Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Well Grandpa Al passed away this morning at about 1030. I was so worried this was going to a lot longer, hence being a lot harder on Tom's Grandma, and dad. Luckily I didn't check my messages on my phone before heading into class, so I didn't find out about it until the lab was almost over and Tom had called. Did manage to cry just about the whole 45 min drive home, but now I feel okay. Esp. if I don't listen to music.

Now I have to stress about when the funeral will be. If it's on Friday, I'm screwed. I'm definatly going, but I'll be missing a project that I can't make up for school. I think it's only worth 85 points and they are lab points, so not worth as much. I'll have to email my teacher. I know if it were Paula's choice, I'd get a pass, or something else to do to make it up. But I made the mistake of talking to Stacey who said I couldnt' make it up. Sigh.

This term has just been shitty. I felt out of it, and slightly overwhelemed last week, and this week I've not been very motivated. Add grandpa Al passing away in, and it's just fantastic.

adding

So I called my mom to tell her about Al, and we were talking. Instead of making me feel better, she made me feel incredibly guilty. About how nice they were, and how they invited us over for dinner, always wanted us to come visit. And we rarely did. We did go have dinner once, but that was it. Every once in awhile I'd tell Tom we should go see them, but I never bugged him about it, or insisted or anything. And now it's too late.

That's why I've been so upset. I feel so guilty.

9 comments:

Janet said...

((((Mary))))Hang in there hon.

Susan said...

RIP Grandpa Al. Mary please try not to feel guilty. Hugs.

Melissa said...

(((((Mary and family)))) I think that guilt is a normal part of losing someone. You think of all the "I wish I would have..." Prayers for you and yours during this sad time.

Di said...

I am so sorry! Just be happy for all the times you had together. It doesn't do anyone any good to feel bad over what you could have done. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family at this time.

Emily said...

I've always thought that guilt should be thrown in their the whole "denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance" stages of grief, because everyone that suffers a loss of a loved one goes through that period where you re-evaluate everything you ever did or said to that person, worrying how much you might have wronged them in their life. Know its a normal part of grieving, and that your Grandpa Al knew in his heart he was loved...he is probably looking down on you all now wishing he could lend comfort.

((many hugs)) Y'all will be in my family's prayers, sweetie.

Kim: The Mom, The Myth said...

(((Mary)))

Tink said...

(((Mary))) Don't feel guilty girl. You have a life to live too. I'm sure he understood. You were there when it mattered the most. I know Friday's going to be rough. Hang in there. We're here for you girl.

mama_tulip said...

(((Mary)))

I'm so sorry. I know it's easier said than done not to feel guilty...don't let it get to you too much, okay? Hang in there, girl. Thinking of you.

Denise said...

((((Mary))))

 

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