Wednesday, July 13, 2005

They seem to be coming more often

Downer moods that is. I don't think I'm depressed, I sure as hell hope I'm not. Considering I come from a family of fucked up people, it wouldn't be a big deal. But it's huge deal to me. I don't want to be my mom. I don't want to be my brother or either of my sisters. I want to be ME-someone who can survive without needing medication. I feel I would be 'weak' if I had to take something. I don't look down on those who do, I know they can help, but I just can't do it. But like I said, I don't think I'm depressed--I just think I'm unhappy with how my life is. You'd think the fact I was trying to get my ex out to drink with us the other night might be a little clue, eh? I don't think I could ever really cheat on Tom-first of all, I doubt any lusting ect would be unmet, and I'd feel so guilty. I mean I'm a 200lb fat ass--who could sleep with me other than my husband who has no other choice if he wants to get laid?? I'm hoping he doesn't feel that way about me, but I couldn't blame him if he did. No more listening to Coldplay at night--gets me all sad.

I went to the chiropractor today for the first time. Still can't tell if it helped. Looks like my insurance will cover all of 4 or 5 visits. Eh. The dr was saying I'd probably need 6-8. We'll see what will happen. Supposedly he can help me with my allergies in addition to my mid back pain, and lower back pain. I guess my left arch has fallen, and that's what causes the pain when I walk for too long (but doesn't bother my running?!?!) , and apparently also cause my hip/saccrum to feel like it needs to pop/is loose. That can all be fixed with a simple pair of $263 dollar orthodics. Good to know it's cheap, eh? (saracam here people! I'm flat ass broke)

That's all that's going on in Mary land. Other than Clara continueing with her "goddamnit boo boo" all the time, and Jake pretending to be dead all the time. It's a par-tay I tell ya.

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