Monday, June 27, 2005

Why do I do this to myself?

I went and saw Alot Like Love with 3 moms from one of my email lists. Now I'm sitting here listening to 'depressing' songs, and then I start questioning. Everything. Hard to really describe other than being in a funk, when I have no reason to really be in one.

Ok I have 1 reason. And I'm more sad than angry, even though I should be pissed off. I sat down on the computer and Tom was still logged on because he left iTunes running when we left earlier. He had an icq message from Sam on the screen, so I read thru all the messages. They were just talking about cyclying, but he said he bought new shorts and a new jersey. Okay we have NO EXTRA MONEY. at all. And he didn't tell me about it. I asked him to tell me any time he was going to buy something that cost more than $20. Most likely he could still get it, but I wanted him to atleast pretend to run it by me. But he didn't.

Is that even worth getting upset over? It's not the first time. He spends so much time and money on his cyclying. Yes, I know he enjoys it, and Yes it's a good healthy habit, but it still makes me feel sad. It's what takes up most of his free time, and it only includes him. It makes me sad for Jake and Clara. It's all he ever wants to do, and that leaves us 3 out. I don't know how many times I've told him that I don't care if he spends time with me, but Jake and Clara do/will soon. It just feels like he does the bare minimum to get by. And that depresses me.

I wonder how long this will last before he realizes that he's being completely selfish, or before I decide I've had enough.

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