About 45 minutes before I arrived at work, an ambulance showed up with a little girl that they were desperatly trying to save. She was 16 months old and drowned in the kiddie pool at her grandma's house. She had fine blond hair, and a little pug nose. I didn't think I would know these last 2 facts, as by the time I had arrived, things had kind of settled down. But.
There were all of these scratches on her bum, so they wanted to rule out any NAT (non-accidental trauma-PC for child abuse). That meant that we had to do a full body survery. I wasn't sure if I should take part, or just stand back. In 8 months, I'll HAVE to step in, so I decided to help, but kind of remove myself from the situation. I just ran all the films instead.
Oddly enough, I didn't cry, I didn't get upset. I just dealt with it. But now, as I sit down to replay it all, the tears are falling. I didn't have to touch her at all, I don't think I could handle it, but I wanted so badly to stroke her cheek, and move her hair out of her eyes.
The worst part? 3 different people told me that it doesn't get any easier. I know that really that's a good thing. That means I'm capable to caring, but I'm going to struggle with this.
Not a good way to end a shitty week, and I wish that Tom hadn't listened to me, and let the kids sleep in our bed. I want some cuddles. (I already went in and kissed them both, twice. It'll probably be 4 or 5 times before I hit the sack).
Tink rocks
About Me
- Mary
- I'm 32, wife to Tom, mom to Jacob 11, and Clara 9, and Annalise 1. I can't spell, I watch too much TV, I need to lose weight, but I love to laugh, run around with my kids, and I enjoy being a mom, wife AND individual person.
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3 comments:
I think that's going to be the hardest part of this job for you -- seeing people, children, in pain and dying, and being able to move on to the next case. I know it would be for me. Hang in there, Mary.
oh mary! you know i understand completely. caring is the biggest part of the job. you'll see situtations likes this and you'll see worse...you just have to try and seperate "hopsital life" with "home life"; and hug the kiddos and hubby a little longer.
There is nothing worse then that. How can someone hurt a baby? Argh, I bet that was hard for you. Probably will be the worst thing about the job. Kiss your babies all you want, it will help!
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