We've talked about this a few times on the different boards I post on. Luckily we've never had anyone close die since having kids. The closest thing we'd had to deal with was when Chloe our kitty dissapeared May of last year. We ended up lying and telling Jake that she went to live with a new family that needed her. For about a month he would bring it up. 'I miss Chloe.' 'Get a new kitty to take to that family and say give us our Chloe back.' Stuff like that. We ended up getting a new kitty about 3 months later, Oregon. Who happens to look SO similar to Chloe that sometimes I forget we ever even had another cat. Sad I know. But he's our kitty.
My brother got a cat 4 or 5 months ago. He hadn't had a kitty in 5 or 6 years. He doesn't have a girlfriend, (denies) suffering from depression and chooses to self-medicate with his drug of choice, alcohol. So the Hank was a good thing. Rich would talk about him whenever we spoke on the phone. Bought loads of cat toys and supplies. He would come stay down here but not drink so he'd be able to drive home and not spend the night because he didn't want Hank to be lonely. I guess I'm trying to say that Hank was a good thing for Rich. Well he got hit by a car on Thursday night. He was only about 6 months old. Rich didn't like him being outside, he was usually only out when Rich was smoking, but sometimes he'd slip out and run off. His neighbor found him and brought him back to my brother. Even now just writing about it makes me cry. Not only was Hank a good little kitty, he was really helping me brother. Rich took Friday and Saturday off of work, and was supposed to ride the train down to visit yesterday-it was my little sister's birthday-but he called and said he didn't even want to leave his house, so he cancelled. Rich has alot of good things going in his life right now-he just got a new job as a dispatcher for an ambulance and medical taxi service that pays $4 more an hour than his current job. And he had just refied his house and was able to pay off his credit card debt, get a lower interest rate, and have a bit left over.
I tried to explain to Jacob and Clara about Hank. This was when we though Rich was coming down, so I didn't want them going crazy with Hank talk, because they always do. Whenever Jake pretends to be a kitty, he's always 'Ank. Then Clara wants to be 'Ank too. I tried to explain what happened, and relate it to Jake about what he's been learning at church but it went over horribly. I said he was going to heaven, and Jacob was convinced that Jesus was going to come dig Hank up and if anyone else tried to dig Hank up, he wouldn't be there. How do you try to explain souls to a 4 yr old? Why did I even try? Why didn't I just lie again?
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3 comments:
(((Mary)))
I don't think you should lie to them. I think you should tell them the truth, as best as you can, without getting too complicated. I know it's hard, and Jake being older will probably have more questions and will be a bit more 'imaginative' about the whole heaven bit, but I think that's healthy for him.
I've done a lot of thinking about this because as you know Julia's started asking about my mother. At first I told her she wasn't here because like you I was a bit thrown off by the whole thing, especially since I really wasn't expecting her to start asking about my mom at 2. I figured that would come when she was more like Jake's age. Anyway, since then I've told her that her Gramma E is with the angels and that she was sick and died, but she loves Julia very much and is around her all the time. I think I would tell them that Hank got hit by a car and that he is in heaven, and try to field the questions as best as I can. I'd explain to Jake that once someone goes to heaven they can't get "dug up" or come back, but their memory is around for us to have. Or something along those lines.
I know it's hard. ((hugs)) to all of you, including your brother.
How come my above comment isn't being registered on the main page? Or is it just me?
Well I didn't lie to him. We just kept going around in circles. He hasn't said anything about it since our talk on Satuday, but I get all misty eyed whnever I see dead animals on the road. Which I see about 10 of everyday on one single stretch of hwy. that I drive twice a day.
thanks for the input Janet and Kath, it means alot to me
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